I just looked in the mirror and thought: I feel beautiful. Odd to just say out of the blue. I mean, not that I feel ugly, just that I haven't felt that amazing lately. I just looked in the mirror and felt it. My life has been a whirlwind of craziness, but I am still alive and ticking. (Oddly enough after the weekend I had).
Lola went in for a trans-tracheal wash today. She had x-rays last week and her lungs look pretty gnarly. The tests won't be back for a couple of days, but most signs lead to chronic pneumonia. She is a trooper. I took her home after work and she spent the evening walking around the house crying or cuddled on the couch. I just took it easy with her and watched Rachel getting married. Which by the way is a good movie. It was a great role for Anne Hathaway.
My house may or may not have mold, but I have multiple leaks. I have a leak detection company coming next week. I also need to schedule an eye exam and dermatology appointment for myself. I just feel ridiculous for constantly being late and constantly needing time off for the same problems. I always feel like I am lying when I tell my boss I will be late because of Lola or because of my home problems. They both stopped believing and caring even though it is true. Oh well.
So this weekend. Well I would be lying if I didn't use the word epic for Sunday night. I cannot even believe what happened. Which is fine, because I don't know everything that happened. Here are a few highlights: Ashley and I had multiple tequila shots at home with the intention to not drink more at the bars. (This plan did not pan out). We were handed oatmeal cookie shots upon arrival to a snazzy club in Pioneer Square. I was escorted out of the bar because I was too intoxicated. The bouncers hung out with me and gave me water. (I can now get us in without cover whenever we want). We went to a second bar. It was goth night. We lost Ashley...who had my house keys. I lost my coat. I drunk dialed a dude I met while walking my dog Saturday night...multiple times. Ashley lost her house and car keys. I called Ashley 15 times from 1:51-2:13am...sobbing. I ran out of money. Jenny paid for my cab home. Some random dude heard me crying and helped me break into my house so I could let Lola out. Ashley cried at her door and then proceeded to walk down Aurora back to my house. The kitchen counter remains show that I ate nachos with almonds as a drunken snack. We found my shoes, phone and a men's jacket outside of my door in the morning. Monday was difficult.
I am still shocked as to how this all happened and how none of us knew what was going on. I stayed home most of Monday, which is very difficult for me to do. Lola didn't want to walk and I didn't have the energy to go to any exercise classes or run, so I stayed home and finally organize my closet and folded laundry. Interesting how the small things seem to put some of the puzzle pieces back together. Okay, so going back to my initial statement regarding beauty. Having these encounters with men this weekend boosted my confidence. I felt ugly after tri-guy. I wasn't wanted. I felt like an experiment, I was used to see if he was ready to get back in the dating game. Unfortunately I am in a different mindset in regards to relationships. Anyway... Having a guy stand outside of a bar watching his and my dog play for 20 minutes while talking to me felt good. Asking for my number and the texts the following day made me feel even better. On the same walk a group of guys stopped to play with Lola and one in particular was quite inquisitive. If I had found this confidence before I would have taken a risk. The bouncer at the club called to check in on me. I am desirable. I should feel confident in myself rather than wallow and wonder why I am not good enough for the men of my past.
Lola went in for a trans-tracheal wash today. She had x-rays last week and her lungs look pretty gnarly. The tests won't be back for a couple of days, but most signs lead to chronic pneumonia. She is a trooper. I took her home after work and she spent the evening walking around the house crying or cuddled on the couch. I just took it easy with her and watched Rachel getting married. Which by the way is a good movie. It was a great role for Anne Hathaway.
My house may or may not have mold, but I have multiple leaks. I have a leak detection company coming next week. I also need to schedule an eye exam and dermatology appointment for myself. I just feel ridiculous for constantly being late and constantly needing time off for the same problems. I always feel like I am lying when I tell my boss I will be late because of Lola or because of my home problems. They both stopped believing and caring even though it is true. Oh well.
So this weekend. Well I would be lying if I didn't use the word epic for Sunday night. I cannot even believe what happened. Which is fine, because I don't know everything that happened. Here are a few highlights: Ashley and I had multiple tequila shots at home with the intention to not drink more at the bars. (This plan did not pan out). We were handed oatmeal cookie shots upon arrival to a snazzy club in Pioneer Square. I was escorted out of the bar because I was too intoxicated. The bouncers hung out with me and gave me water. (I can now get us in without cover whenever we want). We went to a second bar. It was goth night. We lost Ashley...who had my house keys. I lost my coat. I drunk dialed a dude I met while walking my dog Saturday night...multiple times. Ashley lost her house and car keys. I called Ashley 15 times from 1:51-2:13am...sobbing. I ran out of money. Jenny paid for my cab home. Some random dude heard me crying and helped me break into my house so I could let Lola out. Ashley cried at her door and then proceeded to walk down Aurora back to my house. The kitchen counter remains show that I ate nachos with almonds as a drunken snack. We found my shoes, phone and a men's jacket outside of my door in the morning. Monday was difficult.
I am still shocked as to how this all happened and how none of us knew what was going on. I stayed home most of Monday, which is very difficult for me to do. Lola didn't want to walk and I didn't have the energy to go to any exercise classes or run, so I stayed home and finally organize my closet and folded laundry. Interesting how the small things seem to put some of the puzzle pieces back together. Okay, so going back to my initial statement regarding beauty. Having these encounters with men this weekend boosted my confidence. I felt ugly after tri-guy. I wasn't wanted. I felt like an experiment, I was used to see if he was ready to get back in the dating game. Unfortunately I am in a different mindset in regards to relationships. Anyway... Having a guy stand outside of a bar watching his and my dog play for 20 minutes while talking to me felt good. Asking for my number and the texts the following day made me feel even better. On the same walk a group of guys stopped to play with Lola and one in particular was quite inquisitive. If I had found this confidence before I would have taken a risk. The bouncer at the club called to check in on me. I am desirable. I should feel confident in myself rather than wallow and wonder why I am not good enough for the men of my past.
1 comment:
The "men" of your past didn't deserve you/weren't good enough for *you*. Simple as that. ;)
And wow on the rest of the weekend. Mine was just full of a sobbing meltdown last night - I can fill you in later as details emerge.
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