Cuddle Time.

This is what I crave. Touch is has always been a tricky part of my life. It was absent for most of my childhood and the majority of my adult life. I remember hugging and kissing my parents good night when I was very small. Then at a certain point that stopped. There was no hugging or kissing. My aunts and uncles are occasional huggers, it is always difficult to read if and when it is appropriate. In fact, after a family dinner, the first in years, I went around the room hugging each uncle and cousin while saying good-bye. One cousin actually stepped back and wouldn't hug me. It was surprising and almost offensive, but everyone has their bubble I guess.

Maybe that is why, when someone touches me in any way I feel loved. Since touch is not a constant part of my life, I get so much out of such small amounts of touch. Touch is another language, it can show compassion, kindness, camaraderie, sympathy, adoration, appreciation and passion. That simple pat on the shoulder that accompanies a good joke or the light touch on the hand with sympathy. Even the simple handshake. You can understand so much about someone from how they physically reach out to each other.

There is a lot of touch in my Pilates classes. Not wierd touch, but helpful touch. My instructors grab or touch muscles they want me to turn on, or off, or they guide their hand down the muscle path that should be used in a given exercise. They also assist in stretch or massage muscles that have worked. They nurture. You work with the body that each person has, their mental and physical abilities in order to rehabilitate and strengthen them.

Touch rejuvenates. Think about how you feel after a big bear hug or a passionate kiss. If there is anything that I feel I am missing in my life right now, it is touch. There is much more I'd like out of a romantic partner, but right now, what I want most is touch. Not kinky sex touch, but comfort, compassion, warmth, and most of all: presence. I miss having someone hold me. Someone to come up behind me and kiss me on the neck to say hello. Someone to run their fingers through my hair. Someone to cuddle on the couch with and watch a movie. Someone to hold my hand while walking my dog. There is so much communication in physical touch that, as far as I know, is irreplaceable.