Lost.

Just when I think things are moving in the direction obstacles automatically get thrown in my face. I feel like I am a good person, but I don't feel like I have done any good lately. I spent a year taking care of my dying father. I sacrificed many aspects of my personal life to do this and I don't regret it. I adopted a dog from a rescue shelter to be a therapy dog for my father and ultimately a therapy dog that would visit hospice centers, nursing homes and elementary schools. I am in a Pilates teacher training to help teach people how to live and function without pain and feel more in tune with their bodies. I have tried to focus all of my career pursuits on doing good for others and I just want to feel that in my life. I want to feel cared for and appreciated. I want to feel like everything will be okay like everyone says, but at the end of the day I am alone. Right now, in this moment, I have no freakin clue what I am doing and what to do next.

I came home from a nice day. I taught one student and then made a nice lunch. After a bit of correspondence and telephone inquiries Lola and I went for a sunny walk in Ballard. During my walk I got an unexpected call. A caterer I worked with frequently at my old job called to ask why I wouldn't be the one to great her at 7am next week. I told her the news and she too was shocked. She enjoyed the professional relationship we created and wants to keep in touch. Someone liked me and thought I worked hard! I went to the gym and had a good cardio workout. I felt great. Probably one of my best days since getting axed. Until I came home.

I received a letter from the Employment Security Department that was filled out by CollinsWoerman. It says that I was fired because I did not meet standards and I had poor work habits. Yet, no one ever told me this, nor was I ever given a written warning of my poor work. So, it looks like I will be called into an interview soon. Which I really hope is the case. It seems easier than the 7 forms I have currently filled out and sent since my initial application. In addition, the form the company sent has the incorrect separation date. According to my HR friend, there is no reason my application should be denied and I can easily request the proper information to support this. Also, the fact that my previous employer says that I moved on rather than she is no longer with the company, is contrary to what they say on the form. I just want it to be over. After reading this letter I checked my voicemail to find a message from my car insurance company. It looks like my story lines up with the accident. Apparently I backed into a Mercedes. I don't recall this occurring, but there is an eye witness who gave a statement that corresponds with my activity of the evening. I don't hit cars. In fact, I only park in larger parallel parking spots to avoid the tap on the incline. I parked, ran into my house to change and get my dog and left again. I am starting to hate my home. I can't afford it and it puts me at risk for accidents. I put in an application for food stamps. In doing so I realized that I do not have enough money in my bank account to pay my expenses for the month.