Lunar eclipse

Yoga is that one constant in my life that I can count on to open up new feelings and experiences each time I practice. My favorite instructor is amazing at following the lunar cycle and how these natural phenomena affect our daily lives. Tomorrow is the third of four eclipses in 2009. When there is a significant lunar change approaching or occurring she begins class by reflecting on that change and how it manifests in our lives. Today's class focused on grounding the body and focusing thoughts and feelings inward through centralizing movements. This means that from a Uttanasana (forward fold) you keep palms together in prayer while rising to Urdhva Hastasana rather than floating hands out to the sides and up. She asked us to reflect on something that occurred approximately 8 months ago. We were also asked to reflect on something that happened in our lives last week that a recurrence of a previous event, one that we could believe was happening. For the past month I have been focusing my energy on an event that happened 8 months ago and unable to understand why I have held this grudge for so long. The week my father passed away (December 26, 2008) we had a snow storm in Seattle that pretty much immobilized everyone in-city. Less that half of my office went to work the two weeks before the holiday break. In those two weeks I was spending most of my time outside of work with my new puppy at my father's side. His brain was working against him and his body quickly followed. I spend hours on the phone with hospice workers and nurses. My evenings entailed trying to help him eat and keep him as mobile and independent as possible. The week of Christmas I knew in my heart we were close, but this was never something I could bare to verbalize. Each of the three work days of that week I called in after spending hours waiting for already jam-packed buses. I was forced to come in all snow-storm days. On Christmas Eve I called in saying I needed to spend time with my father and could not afford to wait at the bus-stop for another full-bus to pass me by (this was after waiting for 1.5 hours). The response of my boss was: Try again, you have to come in today. All I did when in the empty office was sit on the phone crying while my father was transferred to an in-patient hospice facility in Kirkland. I didn't get to see my father in a conscious state before he died.

Had my boss been considerate following this event I may have been able to move past it. However, seeing her treat others in the same way when they are going through sickness or times of difficulty I have lost all respect for her. In theory she says she will accommodate and help us when in need, but when that time comes she freaks out and makes us feel horrible for having unforeseen circumstances keep us out of the office. This is an atmosphere that I can no longer function in. Now we come to the second comment from my yoga instructor. Last week my company put 20 people on part-time or furlough status. In the week leading up to this change my boss gave me the silent treatment. She literally stopped talking to me. She invited me to a meeting with the COO and another admin. When I asked the subject of the meeting she did not respond. Not only that, but this meeting was postponed 2 times, making my coworker and I stew around conjecturing all sorts of ideas for 2 weeks. When the meeting finally occurred it lasted 10 minutes. We were told that we had to go back to doing basic office administration, meaning that emptying the dishwasher is higher priority than editing a proposal that is going out of the office in an hour. For me this was a slap in the face. The title of my position on my contract is Project Assistant, not office maid. When seeing the lack of expression in our faces their response was: We all just need to chip in for now. Wait, lets count, this is the 5th time in 18 months I have been in a meeting with my boss and the COO where the same statement was said. This shows the utter lack of respect that the company has for me and my future. I have stayed at the company because I adore the person who hired me. He has been an amazing mentor both professionally and personally. Unfortunately, he is not the one who has authority over my daily schedule.

I need a change, and it looks as if the moon has confirmed this change. My biggest challenge is to stop being so cranky and snoody at work. I need channel that negative energy into finding and taking new opportunities that will allow me to leave this degrading job. I have ideas...but those will come in a later post. I needed to free my mind. :)