Relief

I got an email last night from a young aspiring med student with a picture of herself surrounded by baskets of books. Turns out, she was one of my best students my first year of teaching at UW. She followed me through the 100-series. She was a very quiet but incredibly bright student. I even remember her final skit from Italian 101. They may be writing for favors (recommendation letters), but I love hearing from past students and seeing where they have gone. Given that I taught her over 4 years ago and my classes and influence stuck with her makes me feel good. Often times college students never continue with Italian, but I always emphacize that the skills learned in language learning will help them in all facets of their studies. In fact, with this particular student I had to create special worksheets explaining simple grammar. (What is a noun, adverb, subjunctive mood, etc.) This simple little email made my night. :)

I had another heart-to-heart with my boss yesterday. At one point I cried (tears of appreciation, not sadness). Yes, these conversations are happening out in the open since we have an open office layout. Who knows what people think when they walk by. I told him that my future is not here and explained where my passion lies. I told him I had written out explanations and reflections on my time here, but felt it was unnecessary to discuss the details of the past. He was incredibly supportive...other than that slight discomfort with having spent so much effort to push me along in planning with no positive result in his favor. The main point to his stories was that I need to get moving and make changes as soon as possible so that I will never look back at my life with regret. He said he will support me during this transition. He said he will keep me employed for 2-3 months while I figure out how to do what I want to do. That is amazingly gracious, but I don't feel right about it. At a time like this the planning group needs someone who is completely dedicated to the future of the team and their future in the planning field worldwide. At the conclusion of the conversation I told my boss: If reductions in admin staff need to happen Amanda should not be let go. Translation = There are only two admins thus, by deductive reasoning I should be the first to be laid off.

I will miss it here. Yesterday I was following a coworker to her desk. Her high heels accentuated her muscles making her calves look phenomenal...so I told her. She turned a bit red a giggled. Then she said in her sexy Russian accent: You have a cute butt. You wiggle it when you walk. I'll miss her and all of those cute conversations. As sad as it is to walk around the halls knowing that this will not be the place I go or the people that I see 5 times a week, I am relieved. I am not hiding my feelings of discomfort anymore.